10 Crucial Steps on How to Train a Sub

As you’re fully knowledgeable with the conditioning techniques and kinds of submissive training, you’re now ready to train your sub. Here are the 10 crucial steps that you need to do before, during, and after the training. Keep your notes handy for this one, read away!

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Before The Training

Preparation is vital for successful submissive training. You can’t just have a quick discussion and just jump right into it. Here are the things you should be doing before the training or play session.

Have a discussion first.

We’ve emphasized this for like, a hundred times. Before doing anything, make sure that every aspect of the training is discussed and agreed upon.

Research about submissive training.

Reading articles about BDSM on sexual wellness blogs such as Lauvette is a good start. Once you’ve read the basics, you may want to pick up some books about the art of BDSM too.

Find the right BDSM equipment.

There are a variety of toys and tools that you can use during the submissive training/play session. But that doesn’t mean you have to use it all—it’s okay not to have a playroom like Christian Grey. For beginners, a restrainer set, tickler, paddle, mouth gag, and an eye mask can be enough. Then you can add up some new toys along the way, such as nipple clamps, whips, crops, floggers, ropes, sex swing sets, and etc.

Set up a BDSM Contract.

This isn’t just to be like Anna and Christian Grey in fifty shades, a sub-dom contract is essential to establish each other’s needs, desires, goals, and limits. The contract can also state if the relationship is a daily, weekly, or monthly affair.

Along with the signing of the contracts, you can also present your preferred schedule for the submissive training/play sessions. After all, BDSM should only take up your free time.

During the Training

Now that you’ve discussed everything, here are the things you should do to effectively train your sub.

Check if your sub is ready for the session.

Even if the training is scheduled, it’s best to have a quick check with your sub before going in. Your sub might be sick or going through something. If that’s the case, you need to respect their wish and halt the activities—forcing them to go through the play session isn’t BDSM, it’s abuse.

Prepare all the needed toys and tools.

Make sure everything’s laid out once your sub is there. Aside from toys, you also need to prepare some tools for emergencies, such as a first-aid kit, medical-grade scissors, extra lubricant, etc.

Start with a sensual pre-session ritual.

Some subs might prefer to jump right into it, but should your submissive prefer to have a pre-session ritual, so be it. Doing a sensual ritual before the submissive training/play session helps you connect with your sub a deeper level. Examples of pre-session rituals are having a warm bath together, intense making out sessions, or giving your sub a sensual massage.

Check on them during the session.

As you go through the training, never forget to check your sub midway. Are they in too much pain? Are they in an uncompromising position? As a dominant/dominatrix, it’s your duty to take care of them during the training. Remember, a BDSM relationship isn’t supposed to be one-sided; Your sub should be enjoying this dynamic too.

After the Training

Once the playtime’s over, that doesn’t mean you’ll just clean up the mess and move on with your daily tasks. Here are the things that you should do after you train your sub.

Don’t forget aftercare!

People who are new to BDSM or are just venturing to BDSM must remember this: domination is not about abuse. The goal is not to force your partner beyond their limits. You might not believe this but the sub is the one really holding the power in the relationship. Your submissive is the one who willingly gave you control over them because your sub trusts you. A good dom knows the sub holds the power because they control the brakes.

When a session is over, regardless of how or why it ended, you must spend some time with your sub. Calming, communicating, cuddling, or whatever is available. Your tasks can be tiring, both mentally and physically so you should also set some bonding time to wind down and get some feedback on how to improve on the next round. Build upon every round to get a bit better each time. Because ultimately, it’s not just about how you train your sub but how you improve your relationship with them.

See our post about aftercare for more ideas and information

Write down on your submissive training journal.

Once the feedback is given, you may want to write that down. Keeping a journal as you train your sub isn’t technically a requirement, but it helps to keep on track with your sub’s progress.