Here is a list of 20 FemDom ideas for you to try out and experiment with.
1. Foot Worship — Is there anything more subservient than an adoring partner kissing or licking your shoes? No! This is especially true if you’re wearing a pair of sexy knee or thigh-high boots, and his hands or mouth can travel up your leg. Bonus if he’s too eager and you can keep him at arm’s distance — or leg’s distance — away from you. Plus, prodding, kicking, or stepping on him is one way to literally put your foot down in this relationship!
2. Cock and Ball Bondage — Now, this sounds extreme, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re just starting out, try a stretchy cock ring on for size. After he’s comfortable wearing that, you can carefully measure for a stone, glass or metal cock ring. Then, you can move on to the “Gates of Hell,” a metal device with multiple rings.
For the ultimate in cock and ball bondage, consider a cage, which wraps his genitals in plastic or another material and prevents him from fully growing hard. This is a great option if you know your partner has trouble listening to directions! Some are even lockable, so he can’t get out!
3. Sissy Play — Some guys secretly love dressing up in frilly underpants, stockings, garter belters, and other woman’s clothing. And others hate it. Either way, you can leverage the “sissification” of your submissive to your advantage by rewarding him with something lacy or punishing him with it! Make sure to remind him of how pretty, girly or even weak he is. If you’re aiming for punishment, you can spin those comments in a negative way, but you can praise him for rocking the look, too.
Plus, shopping for those sexy little things can be a lot of fun, and it’s different than shopping for your own body.
Along with these femdom ideas, you can come up with a feminization of his name or a nickname to use during play.
4. Impact Play — Whether you prefer good, old-fashioned spanking with your hand, grabbing a cane or long-tailed flogger for serious sensation or a furry paddle that provides more bark than bite, impact play is definitely something you’ll need to try at least once.
5. Bondage — Bondage is something that everyone should try in the bedroom at least once, and there are plenty of options when it comes to tying up your own lover. You can bind his wrists or ankles together with regular cuffs or invest in a hogtie system to bind all four together behind his back and really stretch his body out! Under-the-bed-restraints make it easy to turn your bedroom into a sexy dungeon.
Other bondage devices include gags, which prevent him from speakinn. A particular type of gag that can be especially effective for humiliation is shaped like a penis. You can also try blindfolds, ankle spreaders that force his legs open, or nipple clamps.
6. Teasing — The final element that every femdom scene needs is a little teasing. Whether your lover’s bound or you’ve instructed him not to touch you, make a noise or get hard, you have got to tease him! This will push him to his limits. Teasing can take place as the lightest of touches. Consider a feather tickler if you want to barely touch his skin. You can also get close to his sensitive spots or imply that you’re going to touch him or get him off and then take it back.
Of course, many male submissives take a delicious yet painful glee by not being able to touch or taste their dommes, and masturbating in front of him might be the perfect way to tease him!
7. Manners — What is femdom if not a way to control your man to your heart’s desire? Make sure that your submissive partner learns his manners. He should ask and say “Please” before he touches himself or you, before he comes, and before he does anything you have not given him permission to do. He should thank you for those opportunities.
Any time he disappoints you, he must apologize and express regret.
Finally, you might require him to address you a certain way. For example, you might require that he starts and ends any sentence with “Mistress.”
8. Cuckolding — Cuckolding is a fetish wherein men take pleasure in watching their partners have sex with others (this makes him the cuckold). It’s similar to hot wifing. If you want to go all the way, you can initiate with another man (known as the bull) while your submissive partner watches. Make it more sadistic by not letting your man watch.
But if that’s too much for you or you prefer light femdom, you could simply incorporate it into dirty talk, pretend to text another guy, or use a toy to compare to your man. Describe the men you meet who might make a good bull. You can even go someplace public and flirt or dance with another guy. Take control by forcing him to be the cuckold.
Psst, are you looking for more light femdom ideas?
9. Orgasm Control — Orgasm control is one of the most popular femdom ideas! As the domme, you get to choose when – and if – your man gets to come! You can control orgasms through a physical means such as a cock cage or chastity belt, or you can use pain to “ruin” an orgasm. You can also work on training his body so that he doesn’t orgasm until you say so.
He might need to perform specific tasks or earn points to earn an orgasm. Or you may put off his orgasm for as long as possible.
One form of orgasm control is edging, where you bring him to the brink of orgasm time and again. You stop stimulation or do something to prevent orgasm before doing it again. Once you finally let him come, the orgasm can be explosive!
10. Service — Some people love acts of service as part of their BDSM relationships and scenes. A submissive can serve you in a variety of ways from bringing you food and drink to massaging you to cleaning to shaving your body. You can even make him paint your nails – and his as well! There are a ton of femdom ideas within service, and you can also incorporate femdom training as you teach your partner exactly how you want each act performed.
11. Humiliation — While not every male submissive likes to be humiliated, it is a common enough theme, which makes it a great dominatrix idea. If you’re looking for humiliation ideas, you can always stick with the tried-and-true penis humiliation. Even if a man has a large penis, he may get off when he’s told it’s small or otherwise underperforms. Similarly, body humiliation can do the trick. Other men may prefer humiliation ideas that focus on his performance as a provider and traditional gender roles.
You can even humiliate a guy by making him wear clothing or accessories in public. Make him shave his legs before he leaves the house. Woman’s perfume can be especially effective as you send him out to do the shopping.
Even in private, forcing him to perform sexual or feminine acts such as dancing or wearing makeup can be super embarrassing.
Finally, consider commanding him to lick up his own cum after he orgasms. You can take pictures or video of any of these activities to use as a threat if he misbehaves. Up the ante by making him beg for the activities that he doesn’t want and thank you once they’re complete.
12. Degradation — This goes along with the femdom idea above. Calling names or using certain insults puts you in control.
13. Make a Mess — From spitting to golden showers, you can remind your partner who’s in charge – you! These femdom ideas aren’t for everyone, so it’s okay if you skip them.
14. Bathroom Control — Most people can use the bathroom whenever they like, but having to ask for permission makes a person incredibly humble. Some people in 24/7 relationships incorporate bathroom control.
Just remember to allow your partner to go often enough to remain healthy. Holding it in too long isn’t good. The normal range for passing solid waste is from three times a day to once every three days [3], and holding it in may lead to impacted bowels. Urine contains byproducts that can back up into the kidneys if it’s not allowed to exit the body.
15. Cock and Ball Torture — Go one step beyond bondage and try cock and ball torture, also known as CBT. With CBT, you may pinch, stretch, pierce, step on, and otherwise “abuse” his penis. Any method you can use to apply pain can do the trick. Consider pouring hot wax.
Important: Use only wax that melts at a low temperature such as that in massage candles to prevent burns.
Remember, too, that arousal changes how we experience pain. And the more aroused somebody is, the more likely they’ll be receptive to pain [4 p 170].
Obviously, cock and ball torture is more advanced and carries a bigger risk than merely putting someone in a blindfold. However, if you’re looking for a more extreme idea for dominating him, this is definitely one to consider!
16. Anal Play and Plugging — For many guys, the idea of anal play is a bit humiliating. It contradicts with their idea of masculinity and power. This makes it an excellent dominatrix idea and one that you can customize to your liking. For example, you can incorporate butt plugs and anal beads or penetrate him anally with a dildo and harness.
Consider making him prepare for anal play by cleaning and shaving and perhaps inserting a plug as he goes about his daily business. Then he’ll be ready when it comes time to penetrate him anally.
Guys who get off on any negative feelings they might have about anal play will enjoy this aspect. However, the sensitive organ known as the prostate can also be stimulated via the anus, which makes this idea for dominating your man extra pleasurable. Plus, you get to feel powerful as you experiment with this femdom technique!
17. Oral — Of course, you can demand that he go down on you whenever you want. However, you can use oral to achieve femdom humiliation, too!
Here’s how: Giving your man femdom instructions to perform oral on a dildo.
You can critique his skills, comment on how the dildo is bigger or more satisfying than him, and make him penetrate himself with the dildo afterward.
18. Phone/Cyber Femdom — While most of these femdom ideas are best when done in person, you can try a lot of them over the phone or Internet. Video chats make it especially easy to see what your partner is doing and can be useful if you’re in a long-distance relationship or one of you is currently traveling.
It might take a bit to figure out how to make your commands and punishments work over the phone, but brainstorming can really get your juices flowing. Plus, you can enlist your partner to come up with femdom ideas as well as appropriate punishments.
19. Dressing the Part — While you don’t have to dress up or look a certain way when dominating your man, the right look can certainly boost your femdom games! So what should you wear? The simplest answer is whatever makes you feel powerful! You probably won’t go wrong with the color black, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be leather or latex. Both of those materials can be pricey or uncomfortable, and if you’re uncomfortable, it can detract from the scene.
Here are a few ideas to get you started, but feel free to get creative:
- High heels (stilettos are great)
- Thigh-high boots
- Pencil skirt
- Blazer
- Button-down shirt
- Bodycon dress
- Corset (or bustier if you want less restriction)
- Lingerie
- Stockings or fishnet
- Bodysuit
Don’t forget any prescribed roles you’re playing. You’ll dress differently as a teacher or businesswoman than you would when playing a queen. Plus, you might want an actual costume for some roles (police or military, for example).
20. DIY Female Domination — If you have an idea for dominating him or get an excellent punishment idea that requires a specific item, you have to go out and buy it, right? Not necessarily! Whether you’re on a budget or simply unsure if you like something, you can often find something at your home to DIY it! There are plenty of items that can be perverted to suit your kinks!
- Spoons, spatulas, rulers, fly swatters, dowels, garden canes, flip flops, and hairbrushes can all work for impact play. Remember that the broader an object, the more “thuddy” it will feel while narrow objects sting [5].
- Turn the brush around and the bristles work for sensation play (different brushes feel differently, too).
- Cover the handle with a condom to use for penetration.
- You can make a flogger out of shoelaces or cut rubberbands.
- Use soft gloves, feather dusters or cat toys, and scarves, for sensation play.
- Panties can become a gag — or sterilize a Wiffle ball and run a string through it to make one.
- Scarves and ties can become blindfolds.
- Use stick-on Velcro to make your own cuffs.
- Clothespins or a chip clip can be used as nipple clamps.
- Try ice cubes for temperature play.
- Plastic wrap can be used for bondage.
- Ratchet straps can be used to tie someone up.
- Play dress-up with a dog collar.
- Muscle creams (Ben Gay or Icy Hot) can be used to create quite a shock.
- Hot sauce burns when applied to sensitive skin.
A Word on DIY Bondage
There are plenty of items you can use to tie a person up that may not actually be safe. For example, silk scarves or nylons can tighten and cut off blood flow when someone struggles against them. And while the police may have special zip-tie handcuffs, they aren’t like regular zip ties that you would use to keep your cords organized. Consider a belt, which stays the same diameter, or cotton fabric, which won’t restrict.
There are plenty of ropes and chains you can buy at the hardware store — and potentially the dollar store — to do the job.
If you do tie someone up, whether it’s DIY or with a store-bought item, it’s smart to have a way to get them off quickly in case of an emergency. A pair of safety shears (medical scissors) works for thinner materials, but a wire or bolt cutters can make quick work of cuffs that are made from tougher stuff.