In this rather short guide to male chastity I want to discuss some of the most immediate and important issues about the lifestyle from the perspective of someone new to it.
The reason I want to do this now is when I took my first steps along this path, I often found myself lost, puzzled , bewildered and even a little frightened by the sheer quantity of differing, contradictory, and, in my view, damaging material you’re likely to come across.
So in this brief Guide, I’ll simply sum up the main points but still cover them in enough depth to get you off on your way.
Start at the Beginning
Before we get going, it’s important to understand that having a chastity husband is not new, not “bad”, and really is nothing for you to worry over, whether you’re a husband who’s coming to terms with his desires (and perhaps even struggling with them), or a wife whose man has confessed his need for for male chastity to you and you’re seeking advice on the subject.
First, let’s look at what we actually mean when we talk about chastity. In everyday life we are predisposed to treat chastity and celibacy as being the same. Now, though, in this basic male chastity guide we’ll assume there are a few important differences:
Chastity: what we typically mean is general sexual control with orgasm denial. So what we’re not talking about is simply not making love or enjoying sexual activity. Quite the reverse: men and women who embrace the male chastity lifestyle typically find themselves not only enjoying increased hanky panky, but find themselves actually enjoying it far more than they believed possible.
What we mean is the woman having control of her lover’s orgasms and not allowing him to indulge in them unless she says he can, even if she is “forcing” him to pleasure her in other ways not involving making love; or even if they are making love, she is not permitting him to orgasm.
As you go through this male chastity guide, you’ll begin to get an inkling why a man would want this, why you may want to give it to him, and the benefits to both of you.
Celibacy, on the other hand, is where you bluntly don’t engage in sexual activity of any kind, maybe because you’re without a partner, or you’re unable to have sexual relations for whatever reasons, or you’ve taken a vow of celibacy. Or perhaps there is a different reason we can’t even begin to imagine. Interestingly, someone who’s celibate might actually enjoy more orgasms than someone who’s living a male chastity lifestyle, just because a celibate man can masturbate, but a chaste male doesn’t.
I’ll have more to say about celibacy in a moment and why, if you’re celibate yet still in a relationship, male chastity could possibly not be right for you.
Whom Is Male Chastity Best For?
I’ll go out on a limb here and say virtually any essentially solid relationship can benefit from male chastity, and that includes gay couples (perhaps surprisingly!). The reasons are at the same time both complex and simple as you’ll see in this male chastity guide.
In fact I’ll sidle out even further on the limb and claim if you’re typical healthy woman or gay man and you enjoy a healthy sex-life (or have before now) and you’re not insanely prudish when it comes to sex, or painfully shy, then… you’ve most likely already engaged in male chastity play.
Why do I say such a thing?
Because male chastity lies on a scale, from short sessions of orgasm denial and teasing at one end of the scale, all the way to permanent orgasm denial at the other (I’ll say a bit more about this later in this brief male chastity guide). And most men and women, if not all men and women, have, at some time, enjoyed teasing their lover at some point by delaying orgasm even if just for a few minutes.
And if you’ve done that… then… well done!
You’ve already dabbled with male chastity.
And you both loved it, didn’t you? Even if he complained in the most delicious way at the time.
When is Male Chastity Not the Best Choice?
If you’re in a relationship and you really don’t think much of each other (or even if just one of you doesn’t like the other), and you’re living in joint celibacy as a choice because you simply cannot stand the thought of him touching you (it generally is women who end up feeling this way, sadly), then apart from the comments I make below, this male chastity guide won’t help you.
If you’re in this situation and your lover has come to you with an idea of embracing a male chastity lifestyle and you find your heart fluttering with joy because you can see it as a wonderful way of ensuring you can avoid ever having to have to have any kind of sexual contact with him ever again… then I think you’re making a big error if you move forward with it.
Because he’s doing this out of a yearning for greater sex with you, not less!
And if you’re a man reading this hoping it’s going to help rekindle the ashes of a burned out relationship, the same comments apply: the chances are it’s just not going to give you what you want. Quite the reverse: it’s going to hurt you both much more in the end.
If you begin to see yourself and your own relationship in these few paragraphs, then I suggest you stop reading this male chastity guide and instead think long and hard about professional relationship counselling, and even perhaps be prepared to end it so both of you can then move on with the rest of of your lives.
Why Would Someone Yearn For A Male Chastity Lifestyle?
Ultimately this simple male chastity guide is intended to point you in the right direction to discover the strategies and techniques aimed at dramatically improving your relationship by increasing the affection you feel for each other, making you grow even closer together, and allowing you to nurture a far richer, deeper and more loving understanding of each other than you have at the moment.
Provided your fundamental relationship is solid and your love for one another is strong, even if the fires of passion are not now burning so bright as they once did, male chastity is certainly something you can safely consider at least giving a try.
How To Start With Male Chastity
There is only one purpose to male chastity: and that’s to improve your marriage in all areas and, thereby, make your entire life richer and more pleasing, too.
And for that reason it’s crucial to realise no matter which way you tackle it, what you choose or how you decide to implement your male chastity lifestyle, so long as it’s right for you both, then that’s all you ought to worry about.
You might think that’s a strange thing for me to say; but remember one of the reasons I have written this male chastity guide is there is a lack of accurate information about that’s not filled with nonsense, fantasy and downright bad ideas.
Now, the place to get started with male chastity is… to start at the very beginning.
There is a temptation to dive right in at the deep-end by hurrying out and buying a chastity device and thinking you can just lock it on and remain locked for a month or two. And you will actually read stories just like that all over the Internet.
And they’re untrue.
No, I can’t prove this and you can believe them if you want to, but no one who has authentic real-life experience with male chastity will give them the remotest bit of credibility.
The tell-tales that they’re only fantasies are many and varied, but please, just for now, in this male chastity guide, believe me, male chastity is just the same as any other aspect of your relationship: you would do well not to rush into it and at best be disappointed and at worst unnecessarily spoil something amazing you wouldn’t have spoiled if you’d just been a bit more patient.
Now, I’m going to assume at this moment you’re sitting reading this male chastity guide together or at least you’re both at a point where you’re talking about a male chastity lifestyle as something you’re willing to explore (there are lots of simple, non-threatening and low-key ways to bring it up with your spouse whether you’re a man or a woman, but one of the simplest ways I share with you in a different article is to tell male chastity stories).
But, let’s move on to the practicalities.
First, start with a little gentle chastity play. Agree before you start you want him to satisfy you any way he can think of, but make sure he understands you won’t allow him to make love to you and he’ll have to engage his imagination.
Massage is a fabulous way to begin, and then remember he has hands and a tongue (use your imagination, as well… you’re reading a male chastity guide not a sex guide!).
The first few times you might find it difficult since it’s new territory for you both. Make him a promise you’ll make love to him again in the morning and allow him release if he does a good job tonight. That way he’s not got very long to suffer and he is unlikely to get grumpy (he won’t plan to, but male chastity is all new for him, too).
After a few times you can lengthen the time you’re going to make him wait a little: perhaps the next night, or the weekend.
If this is working well and both of you feel comfortable with the next stage, you can buy a basic chastity cage. Now, there are literally hundreds of devices available and they’ll cost you anything from $30 for a simple plastic device to over $1,000 for a bespoke made-to-measure shiny stainless-steel full belt.
I recommend in this male chastity guide you settle for something simple and not too expensive, like the plastic devices tend to be, and see how you get on. In our experience with simple play, the plastic device was fine but it didn’t work for us at all when it came to long-term wear. Nevertheless, some couples find them suitable and effective for long-term wear.
All you can do is find out how it suits you.
Just don’t get your hopes up too much, too soon.
Even though the device is not uncomfortable you may find when he gets really excited it is very uncomfortable and even agonising for him, and while some women claim that’s a fitting “punishment”, that’s not my kind of thing – this is a male chastity guide, not a guide for dominant women! I want to withhold his orgasm and have him wanting me like mad, not in pain from constricted, sore and swollen balls!
At some point, you’re almost certainly going to feel you want to progress a little. Now, there are no set rules about this and it’s absolutely crucial to find what suits you and your partner rather than trying to follow what so many people in the “scene” will say you “have to” do. Believe me, many can get extremely nasty if you don’t live your life and treat your husband or lover how they believe he must be treated.
Ultimately you’ll get to a point at which you feel comfortable, and to some extent that is going to dictate the kind of device you finally end up with. In general, in this male chastity guide, I’d suggest you get the most expensive device or belt you can stretch to, because in my experience there’s nothing quite so disappointing as a device you have to take off because it’s unsuitable for wearing for the length of time you want him to wear it!
Two Last Bits of Advice
As I mentioned above, you’ll eventually figure out what works best for you both and that’s the only thing you want to worry about.
However, there are two points I’ll make in this male chastity guide which I think are “universals”, meaning everyone I’ve ever spoken who has successfully incorporated male chastity into their life agrees with me.
First, bear in mind this is meant to be fun for you both. I know there’s some teasing in it but you need to be the judge of when his “no” means “yes”, and when “no” actually is a “no”.
The other point is you must be strong. Yes, it seems like a contradiction to what I’ve just said, but you must be clear about the fact he has requested this, or he’s as a minimum consented to it if the idea is yours.
The truth is, he wants you to be firm with him. He might say he wants to climax but he craves you to deny it.
This can’t be stressed too much in any male chastity guide.
As an, my husband, John, whom I keep in ultra rigid male chastity and orgasm denial, generally for months on end, will occasionally beg me not to let him climax because the feeling of being “in the zone” is so incredibly pleasurable.
More to the point, when it does become too overwhelming and he begs for an orgasm, if I don’t let him (and under no circumstances will I give in if he’s begging for it… that’s non-negotiable), then even though he moans and groans at the time… after he thanks me for being so firm and cruel.
In the beginning I would regularly cave in… and he then told me after I shouldn’t have done. Men!
The male chastity lifestyle is thrilling, enjoyable and extremely rewarding for both you and your lover.
But as with any lifestyle, it takes some imagination and work to get it just right. Most crucial of all is it’s your life and you should live it your own way.