Things to Establish Before You Train Your Sub

As with all kinky and sexual activities, a discussion is a must. Before diving into the different submissive training techniques, make sure to get your partner’s consent and that everything listed below is laid out.

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Goals & Desires

You need to ask each other “Why?”

Why do you and your sub need to do this? Is your sub tired of taking control of every aspect of their life that they want a quick break from it? Did some movies about BDSM spark your interest? Are both of you just doing this for fun or is it because you want to strengthen your relationship?

You also need to ask the “What?”

What are the things your sub wants to try during the submissive training? What technique would you want to use when you train your sub? Are each other’s expectations’ doable? What are your sub’s personal goals from this? Are there fantasies that both of you would like to incorporate on the scene?

By establishing each other’s goals and desires, will help you design a plan on how to effectively train your sub. By knowing what your sub’s goals, desires, as well as expectations, you’ll be able to know how to make the experience much pleasurable and enjoyable to them.


You might think that a BDSM relationship is one-sided—dom taking all the control while the sub agrees willingly to everything—but that’s not necessarily the case. In fact, BDSM isn’t solely meant for the dom’s pleasure; subs should have pleasurable experience as well.

With that, you need to establish the limits as early on. Having boundaries and limits allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely.

There are two kinds of limits—soft and hard. As the name implies, soft limits are the activities that are negotiable. Your sub might be interested in learning more about it, or simply is not ready to do that particular activity. Once something has been decided upon, the sub may agree to do some of the soft limits or even be demanded from you.

On the other hand, hard limits are the things your sub will never do. Period. Even though you like electro play, you should respect your sub’s decision if they don’t want to do that.

The takeaway from this is simple: You shouldn’t pressure someone or be pressured to do the things that you don’t want to partake in. Even you as a dom, if you don’t like doing a particular activity, it’s okay to say no. Limits can also be fluid throughout the submissive training, so make sure you have regular discussion with your sub about each other’s limits.


This is vital for submissive training. Don’t ever start a play session without establishing this properly.

A safeword is a word or signal that ends the BDSM play instantly. Once your sub has said the safeword, the activity stops, and the roles are stripped away. It’s usually said due to discomfort or pain, so make sure to check your sub as soon as possible and ensure their safety.

As for the word, you may choose any word that you like but go for something that’s oddly specific. Words such as “Stop” and “No” are the words you commonly use during the play, so having your sub use these types of words may confuse you. You may also go with the common safewords that are used by the experienced ones such as red, bananas, superman, or your sub’s full name.

Also, make sure to establish a non-verbal safeword. This will come in handy during BDSM plays wherein the sub’s mouth is gagged. Examples are hand signals, specific head movements, or patterned hand taps.


Once you’re done establishing essentials, it’s time for the fun part. As for the presentation, you and your sub must establish your each other’s appearance during the play session.

Do you want your sub to be wearing latex garments? Want to add some roleplaying in the mix and make them wear certain uniforms? Do you want your sub to wear specific perfume? These are the things you need to be asking yourself when discussing each other’s appearance and behavior.

Your sub also has a say on this. If your sub isn’t keen on a specific type of clothing, respect their choice, and present other options. Your sub can also request you to have a specific presentation during BDSM plays; For example, your sub wants you to wear formal attire during the deed.

Forms of Address

Once the presentation is laid out, you need to establish how your sub will address and communicate with you and others.

Should your sub call you master, mistress, queen, king, sir, or madame? Are profanities allowed during the BDSM plays? Will you talk to your sub in a warmer tone, or do both of you prefer a colder-type of communication? These are things that you should consider when talking about forms of address.

Forms & Levels of Service

Part of the dom-sub dynamic is the service. During this discussion, you need to talk about the services that you want to get from your sub. Need help with managing your daily/weekly tasks? Do you want your sub to do the chores for you? Do you want your sub to fulfill your sexual needs These are some examples of the topics you can talk about during this discussion.

Once the forms of service are laid out, make sure to train your sub properly on these tasks (levels of service). By giving them the proper instructions on their services, you’re going to establish the standards of service that you expect from them. You can also set a time limit for the assignments, just to solidify your standards and spice things up.

Forms of Posture

As for this one, you need to train your sub on how to handle themselves within a situation. This determines the way you and your sub acts up during the session as well on daily/weekly activities.


You need to establish levels of playfulness too. As a dominant/dominatrix, you need to have activities that will be fun for your sub too such as roleplaying and sex games. This discussion will also help you establish the time when your sub needs to be serious and time when they can be a bit more playful.