Part 1 What Makes For A Better Dominant

Before getting started into techniques, its usually a good to have an idea of what the end result should look like. Having a map or an idea of what makes a good Dominant, can not only help to improve your Dominance, but help you better understand yourself as a Dominant, so you can more easily create obedience and devotion within your submissive.

To come up with a list of what makes a good Dominant, I have interviewed countless submissives and had them share their opinions on what makes a Dominant good and worthy to serve. I have only added the opinions that were commonly found among the large majority of submissives.

* Please note – there is no one absolutely right way to Dominate, there is what feels right for you and your submissive. These are just suggestions from submissives. You can incorporate what you like or none of it, the choice is yours.

The Characteristics Of A Good Dominant

While many of you, I’m sure were expecting characteristics such as hard, strict, controlling, and bossy, these were not as common as you would think. Don’t get Me wrong, they were in there, but it would appear that submissives value the person behind the Domination then just their ability to swing a whip and bark orders.

In no particular order:

Kind And Considerate – We have all heard the stories of the Tyrant King that ruled with an iron fist. While its true people served them, these people never served the King because they wanted too, they served because they had too. The same goes for a Dominant and a submissive, you want a submissive to want to serve you and the only way you can do that is by being kind and considerate to your submissive, and their needs both emotionally and physically. Being a tyrant Dominant sounds good within a book, but when dealing with real submissives it rarely ever works.

Empathy And Sympathy – Requesting someone to serve you as a submissive is asking them to take on a very difficult life. They are going to have to relearn much of what they already know in life. There are many difficulties both mentally and physically and a submissive will experience many pitfalls along the way. A Dominant that can be empathetic, understanding and supportive while the submissive goes through these challenges will create an unbreakable bond. If you can not find empathy within yourself, you will find a very strained relationship between you and your submissive, especially during times that should be bonding the both of you together.

Respectful – While the submissive may choose to submit, they are first and foremost a human being. They are not a subhuman that should automatically serve you because you want to Dominate them. They don’t deserve to be treated badly because they like to be Dominated and controlled. If you are demanding respect from your submissive, the best way to do that is by showing them respect in the first place.

Good Communicator – Much of what a Dominant does is teach. To teach something new you must be able to express your thoughts in a clear manner, so that your submissive can understand. Also since everybody learns different ways and at different rates, a good teacher allows their students to ask questions when they are confused and don’t fully understand what is being taught. More importantly the teacher answers those questions in a calm, patient and understanding manner. Don’t belittle, or berate a submissive for asking questions, many submissives are nervous and only want to make sure they do what you want correctly.

Can Admit A Mistake – We are all human, and as humans we all make mistakes. During training you will point out the mistakes of your submissive many times. Eventually there will come a time when you will make a mistake, the best policy is to admit it and apologize. Refusing to admit that you have made a mistake just makes a Dominant look petty and small. A true Dominant can see their own faults, accept them and apologize when it is appropriate.

Open – A good Dominant is always open to the idea that they are never perfect and are always learning. Whether its a new way to flog or a concept on how to improve yourself to become a better Dominant, staying open to learning is essential. If you expect your submissive to learn and grow, then you as the Dominant must learn and grow as well. Otherwise your submissive will eventually grow out of your Dominance. Always learn as much as you can, keep what suits you and cast away what doesn’t, but always be open to learning.

Honest – A submissive needs your honesty to be able to fully submit to you. If you lie and hold things back, they will sense it and they will never be able to submit the way you want them too, as they will never be able to fully trust you.

Trustworthy – Think about it this way, you are asking a submissive to become extremely vulnerable for you. For example, if you tie up your submissive, they become completely helpless. You could do anything to them. They are literally putting their life in your hands. If they can’t trust you to do something as simple as hold their wallet/purse for 5 seconds, what makes you think they will trust you with their life. Your submissive needs to know that you are trustworthy, that you will respect their limits and that you will never ever put them in harms way.

Confidence – Nobody wants to bend over and receive a flogging from a person that is shaking and keeps going on about how they don’t know what they are doing. That is scarier then the flogger itself. A calm, relaxed, confident demeanor, goes a long way in keeping your submissive calm and building their confidence as well. This is the only time you will hear me say this, but if you don’t feel confident fake it. Eventually with practice you will begin to feel more confident.

Submissive’s Are Inspired To Serve

Its these characteristics that will inspire your submissive to realize that you are a good person and somebody worthy of serving. This is what will make them want to do things that you ask for, because they know it will make you happy.

Now just because you are honest, sympathetic, kind and respectful, does not mean that you can’t be controlling, and authoritarian. You will have lots of time to control, but its respect, care and consideration for a submissive’s welling-being that will create obedience and servitude for the long haul. Its understanding that for a submissive to submit, they must completely trust the Dominant and feel secure and confident in their submission. This takes time, so don’t rush it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was a submissive. Give the submissive the environment and support they need to become a better person and you will see your Dominance and their submission grow.

What Domination is not is telling a submssive want to do, control and oppress the submissive’s opinions and punish them until they are willing to do everything that the Dominant wants. These types of interactions are usually shortlived because eventually the submissive will become tired that they are always in trouble, always screwing up, and never able to please their Dominant. Its better to inspire someone to rise up into service, then keep them under service by the heel of your boot.

I hope this helped to explain that the best way to improve your Domination or become a Dominant is by in fact improving the strength and character of the person you are. Work first on Mastering yourself and then you will be able to Master someone else. If you think you already know that, then you have barely scratched the surface.