From Fear and Denial to Frolicking Fun

When you first realize that you have fantasies that fall within the realm of fetishism, including bondage, discipline, dominance, and sadomasochism, you’ll probably find yourself afraid to recognize such desires. You may react with disgust in yourself, fear of such thoughts, or even denial of those needs and desires. However, if you really feel as though this is a lifestyle that you should be involved in, you’ll have to learn to get over embarrassment toward those desires.

There are several stages through which you will have to work before you reach a level of acceptance and understanding. The first stage is realization, when you literally discover your penchant for such behavior. While many realize at an early age – sometimes even in childhood – that they enjoy such forms of stimulation, others don’t recognize it until later in life, perhaps not even until they’ve gone through an emotional revolution caused by experiences like divorce that force them to explore their lifestyles. Often, the initial discovery is met with a reaction of denial, with difficulty in believing that it could ever happen to you.

However, the further you explore, the less you can deny your need for domination or dominance, whichever position you take. Learning about this can lead to a modicum of fear. Because of social stigmas regarding practices of sadomasochism and bondage, as well as related bedroom play, individuals discovering their own enjoyment of the practices tend to fear that their friends and family will find out about their preferences and either ridicule or even worry about them, suggesting therapy.

This is typically followed by research, looking to both justify and explain the excitement gained from such practices. With proof that there are others who feel the same way and information or studies showing that you are not alone or abnormal in your desires, you may begin to experiment with yourself to determine exactly what it is you are looking for. Do you feel the need to play master to a servant or to serve a master? Do you enjoy just a little bit of pain? Do you like the idea of being restrained? These are questions you should answer for yourself before becoming involved with other fetishists to make sure you know what sort of relationship into which you should enter.

As you learn more about yourself, you’ll likely begin to look for others with either your same desires or those that fit the opposing role. This search should be performed with care because you’ll want to verify that the relationships you decide to cultivate are conducive to your desires and healthy for everyone involved. When you begin to search for others in your situation, you’ll be more likely to come to terms with your desires. There is always safety in numbers and affirmation in joining a particular community.

Upon deciding that you do not have any kind of abnormal desires, you’ll be more comfortable in exploring this side of your sexuality, and you will want to find yourself a partner. Again, great care is necessary when you enter into any type of fetish world, and you should practice safety measures in all interactions. However, once you have become practiced in the art of your particular needs, whether bondage or submission, you’ll be ready to grow and learn in the art. What started out as something that enlisted fear will become great fun for you as you become more involved in the world.