Part 3 Pleasure From Pain
Learning About Sadomasochism And Safety
By definition, the term “sadism” refers to the giving of intense stimulation, both mental and physical, or pain to another individual. As its partner, the term “masochism” is the exact opposite – the receipt of such stimulation from another. Thus, the term sadomasochism refers to the exchange between two consenting adults of intense stimulation that could range from desperate words to actual physical pain, usually during a sexual session. One of the key terms here is that it is consensual, and with the consent of a man or woman to receive stimulation and pain from another individual who enjoys dispensing these treatments comes the responsibility of remaining safe in play. Without prior discussion as to the limitations of both parties, as well as intense communication between the two (who should be alert and aware so that such needs are not missed), sadomasochistic practices can become dangerous.
Prior to entering into a play session with anyone, you should be careful to set forth your limitations. How much pain can you tolerate? How much domination can you handle, and with what force? What tools are acceptable in your bedroom play? Set up an understanding in regards to how far is too far for your session. Also, make sure that you have details about the person you will be playing with. If this individual is truly interested in entering into a sadomasochistic session with you, he or she should be perfectly willing to supply a full name, residential information, and phone number for contact. If you’ve met this individual online, also be sure to collect an email address, screen name, profile, and all information discussed regarding S&M preferences with the other details. All of this should be provided to a trusted friend, should something go wrong with your meeting.
Erotic pain is a big part of the sadomasochist relationship. Because too much pain can become unpleasant and everyone has a different idea of how much is too much, you should have a way to let your partner know when you have had enough (and vice versa). At the same time, you should probably discuss appropriate tools for inflicting pain prior to beginning. In such relationships, especially when entering into a true, continuous partnership, many individuals prefer to play with someone who has gone through complete training. Those who have are more likely to be aware of the proper attitude to take, the best way to role play, and how to make the most of each session. Also, these individuals understand the possible importance of entering into a contract. Believe it or not, specialized contracts can be drawn up regarding what each party in a sadomasochist relationship will and won’t do. This is an excellent way to assure safety and non-violent behavior in your games.
On top of all of this, if you ever find yourself in a negative mood – this includes a state of anger (especially toward your partner), sadness, irritability, illness, or any other emotion that leaves you less than 100% happy – you should not participate in one of these sessions. As a sadist, you may find yourself taking out your emotional frustration on your partner, which could lead to someone getting hurt, emotionally or even physically. As a masochist, you could find yourself being hurt more than usual by the same amount of force, leading to displeasure. You may also feel like provoking your partner to perform more painful services, which could injure you severely or even make your partner unhappy with the session.